im unsatisfied with everything around me, I’m bored of doing the same shit all the time. there has to be more to life then this.
i feel restless and i don’t know why, i feel like crying my heart out, and i don’t know why though.
i dont understand the purpose of life anymore.
im not depressed, I’m just questioning myself and my surroundings.
i don’t know i feel so sad, i don’t like this feeling.
how can i describe this feeling I’ve had for the last few days…. i feel like Im drowning, and i cant breath, i cant pick myself up.
i don’t know what to do, i don’t know how to get rid of this feeling, i don’t like it.
Im not ganna fcking pay 40g for fcking pace! i refuse to go back to a school that made me feel uncomfortable!
i dont know how many times i have to tell you, i will not be going back to fucking pace next semester!
you people are so fcking stupid if you think im going back. I dont want anything from you guys, all i want is to be left alone!
i fcking hate you, and ive been hating you for the longest time!
i dont even wanna see your faces anymore, nor do i want to speck to you people!
taking out 120g for 3 years at pace is insane!
dont fcking expect me to take out a loan to fcking please you!
dont expect me to ruin my life just so you can brag to your friends!
i am not your puppet! i am not under your control!
i have a mind of my own, i am not stupid unlike you!
dont fcking assume you have the upper hand , when you have no control of me at all!
i will forever hate you; you can never make up for what you’ve done.
i tend to keep to myself a lot. I dont want people to know my life story, i dont want pity.
If i dont tell you about my life, then it means im not too comfortable with you.
all i really want is someone to listen to me, and give me an honest response.
today i realized that i find it very difficult to talk about family and some parts of my childhood.
there are memories that i dont want to remember, things that i cant talk about, because when i do i get so upset.
some things should not be spoken of…. and somethings will never be forgotten.
its a bit sad, because im so mad at my parents, some things just went too far…. they never stuck up for us.
i cant forgive you for what youve put us through.
i will never forget.
wtf man, like seriously stop being an ass -____-
youre ganna complain about playful punches in the arm? like really man?!?
after all this time now you say something -___-“
Im so tired of you, always putting me down. Im sorry i didnt get into ivy, im sorry i didnt get a full scholarship, im sorry that im not perfect.
Im tired, and all i want is to be alone. i dont want to see your faces nor speak to you.
ive realized that you guys will never be proud of me, and i accept that.
You blame me for the school situation, when no one fucking helped me!
you assholes did this to me! and you cant even take fcking responsibility!
its always my fucking fault right?
sorry if im a failure.
I realize that youre tired, and you no longer want to try.
Although we have our differences it doesnt change anything about how much i care about you.
But you have to understand how upset i get when you get sick. It kills me a little inside every time you have to go back to the hospital.
Maybe i should be used to this, but im not.
I really dont know what to think anymore, i know youre going to get sicker. I know whats coming. Youre not taking care of your self, i know whats coming.
I cant imagine what life would be like, without you.
You are Irreplaceable.
Today i finally broke down, and i just started crying once i realized what i had gotten myself into.
im going to a fcking cuny… i feel like im ganna go back to high school…..fck.
after speaking to my dad, i realized he doesnt even know that this shit is his fault. if he had allowed me to go away, this would not have happened.
i started crying and i was relieved afterwards.
now i know that i havent lost my mind, im going to focus on registering for a cuny….
- queens college
- york college
- city college
what i need to find out is
-is the school in a good area?
-starbucks anywhere nearby?
-what type of people go there?
3 days, 3 schools. need to figure this shit out.
No matter what i do, i always feel like failure in everything i do.
Although my parents are proud of me to some extent, i feel so unaccomplished,
i feel as if ive failed in everything i have done and continue to do.
why do i feel this way? why do i belittle myself all the time.
why can’t i accept myself for who i am instead of trying to be so perfect.
why do i feel this way… why can’t i just be happy with myself.
why the fuck am i so fucking indecisive! why cant i commit!
why do i feel like this…?
do you realize how insecure you’ve made me?
you make me feel like a bad person for everything i do.
even to this day i feel like crap, and you where the one that fucked me over! you fucking made the mistakes.
why the fck do i feel like shit then? why do i feel so insecure?
and i know im a fucking amazing person, but you make me feel like shit. even to this fucking day.
you think im this bad muslim, that im commiting a sin and breaking all the muslim rules….
guess what you asshole! im not a closed minded fuck like you! i know wtf im doing and i know my limits.
im not your typical muslim, and im never going to be one. my fucking family accepts me , then who the fuck r you to judge me?!
but even thou i know all this, i still feel like shit, because of you.
YOU made me insecure about myself, YOU still do.
but i fucking hate you, even to this fucking day.